Why She’s A Phenomenal Leader

The second part of our two-part series on Great Women Leaders takes us to why she’s irresistible. Most of my early adulthood friends were married before I was. Some married childhood friends, some married more money and some for beauty, some of these relationships were successful and many were not. It gets old to hear, “If I knew then, what I know now…” and it’s incredible how accurate that statement is regardless of its context.  The social evolution of websites dedicated to finding your ideal leaves me shaking my head.  In the effort to optimize the little time we have to develop a true relationship of mutual trust, respect and dare I say love or intimacy, we gravitate towards anything easier, faster for whatever superficial commentary reason we want to espouse. In the vein of the 6 Attributes of Why She’s a Phenomenal Boss, here’s why the unattractive girl is irresistible. And, we’re going to vacate any and all physical attributes as we all know beauty fades, but that’s in the beholder’s eyes. 7 Attributes Why She’s Irresistible:

She Treats Everyone with Respect – R.E.S.P.E.C.T.  Ike and Tina have nothing on this girl!  She treats everyone this way! A spouse, partner, co-worker or employees are treated in a thoughtful and courteous way. She avoids treating people in rude and disrespectful ways, and doesn’t insult or demean anyone – there’s no agenda, no drama! The worse feeling any of us have in any environment is to be ignored. She ensures your inclusion regardless of the situation.  She embraces the uniqueness in everyone, she respects the differences and builds bridges towards common ground. You immediately trust her as you see no agenda, no manipulation, no win-lose and you want to know more about her.

She’s honest with herself. She refuses to live her life as a lie, or help others live their lives as lies. While it’s nearly impossible not to have preconceived notions today, she does her best avoiding judging others before getting to know them. She’ll hear your side of the argument and will never go out of her way to disrespect someone she doesn’t agree with.

She Follows the Platinum Rule – we’ve all heard of the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do to you. In other words, treat other people–in business and in life–the way you yourself would want to be treated.  Dave Kerpen, author of the book The Art of People, says that following the Golden Rule is all wrong, and instead, we should follow what he calls the Platinum Rule. While I will push back on his opinion, Kerpen explains, “We all grow up learning about the simplicity and power of the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would want done to you. It’s a splendid concept except for one thing: Everyone is different, and the truth is that in many cases what you’d want done to you is different from what your partner, employee, customer, investor, wife, or child would want done to him or her.” He developed the Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they would want done to them. Kerpen said, “The Golden Rule, as great as it is, has limitations, since all people and all situations are different. When you follow the Platinum Rule, however, you can be sure you’re actually doing what the other person wants done and assure yourself of a better outcome.”

The Platinum Rule can be a more empathetic, sensitive guideline than its predecessor, the Golden Rule, which focuses on the wishes and preferences of the recipients of the behavior in favor of imposing the giver’s preferences onto others. It’s not semantics and one isn’t better than the other. If you can’t be kind or say something nice, then perhaps you need to look inward into your own personal behaviors. She does the right thing at the right time for the right reasons!

She Builds Relationships Focused on People –  and not on small talk. It’s never been about breaking the ice, because she’s already comfortable in her own skin. She wasn’t made beautiful physically. She was made more beautifully in ways that will far outlast temporal beauty. For her, life is about relationships and instead of gathering autographs or superficial Facebook, Twitter and Instagram “friends,” she collects relationships. Your perception of her is how effortless it is for her to be herself. Vulnerability isn’t a bad word. It is to you, because there’s something about yourself you’re not happy with. So change it! No one said you had to carry that burden forever. What are you afraid of? She wasn’t and isn’t. Does she have scar tissue? Hell yea, she went through years of not being “picked” for this or that, left out from the parties and the like.

When you take your eyes off of yourself and deeply focus on making a positive impression on someone else, the liberating feeling eliminates all fears you had previously. When the pain to stay the same becomes greater than the pain to change is when you’ll make that change. She did! She doesn’t just put herself first without thinking about the effects her actions will have on her family, friends, and even a stranger.

She’s Doesn’t Try So Hard – she’s relaxed. She was born to stand out, but not lucky to be idolized physically; she was born to exemplify humility – a great characteristic of hers – a natural sense of confidence. She understands the influence she has and how she’s able to have impact one person at a time. She knows some of you will overlook her, because of your superficiality and you’ll discount whatever she’s said. She doesn’t need to convince you; that’s your cross to bear and your timing to learn. She understands how genuine, authentic communication without pretense demonstrates her point of view and the value she brings to any relationship. An old saying is when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

She knows what she’s capable of and believes in herself. She doesn’t let the fear of failure paralyze her from reaching her goals or trying something new. Failing doesn’t mean she’s a failure! She doesn’t let biases or opinions affect her actions. She objectively takes things into consideration and does the right thing always.

She’s Authentic – she has integrity. The unattractive girl may appear to lean towards relationships over results, but don’t let that fool you. She’s as dedicated to getting to the end goal as anyone else. Whoever said beauty is directly correlated to results is severely touched – they may even think orange is the new black... She is genuine, honest and true; someone who’s a beacon in the office, because of her reliability and dependability; her transparency. She’s a natural-born leader on the level that works for her. She doesn’t need to be charismatic, and her moral compass is unquestioned.

She’s Discerning – knowing the difference between fact and fiction, she’s able to address and/or avoid conflicts and she resolves conflicts gracefully as she sees them as opportunities to learn, to gain more information and to address someone’s objectives. She may not think she’s irresistible, and she doesn’t go around looking for it – that would give her an ego that’s down an ugly road which she never approaches. What she may lack in beauty she gained in wisdom – her greatest asset.

She Smiles and Loves Life  – because she’s mentally and emotionally strong, she’s able to laugh at herself, with others and enjoy the gift life offers everyday.  She listens to you, understands you and wants to make you happy. She knows a relationship is a team effort, and she’s more interested in making a contribution than being popular. There’s a quiet confidence and unflappable nature with which she moves through life. Her unique perspective allows her to challenge conventional wisdom and push the boundaries that need to be pushed in order to be successful.

Wisdom and discernment are her greatest assets. She committed to embrace company goals into personal goals. She supports without seeking credit, and she listens to everyone’s ideas.  She leaves work hoping she made someone’s day better by having interacted with her. She looks to offer help beyond action to overcome issues to affect change for the better. She forgives and forgets and has a zest and enthusiasm to learn everyday. She may not be beautiful, but she is irresistible!

At Brookestone Associates, we break through the critical human and cultural integration challenges that obstruct your company’s ability to deliver the results you must have by helping you uncover the environment, behaviors and productivity required to be successful. Widely recognized as a leading authority and successful practitioner of Influencing Culture with Impact as The Culture Whisperer, J. Scott Spector, Founder and Managing Partner, delivers proven solutions to overcome today’s challenges in a practical, effective and compelling manner.

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