Management Weaselspeak at its Finest

It’s long overdue. The avoidance of expressions or actions that are perceived to exclude, marginalize, or insult groups of people who are socially disadvantaged or discriminated against has no relevance anymore. Grow up snowflake! Say what you mean, mean what you say, stand up and zip your pants up from the front. Do yourself a favor and stop the madness in this tongue-in-cheek look at the crap some of you have spewed as listed below:

I don’t have the bandwidth. If you can do it, then do it. If you can’t do anymore with what you have, then simply say, “I can’t,” or “I’m not able to right now.”

Ping me, It’s on my radar and It’s on my plate. Don’t ping me. Send me a note, email or text. Hey! “Call me.” “I’ll consider it,” or “I’m working on it” are simple enough.

Reach out to me, Touch base and Circle back around. C’mon man! Stop it already. “I’ll call you.”

Low hanging fruit. Everyone with an 8th-grade education knows easy-step solutions that lead to the overall plan are must-do-now. Just do it.

Hit the ground running and get the ball rolling. Really? If you’re that tired, then stop reading. Get up, get started and keep working.

Par for the course. What are we – on the back 9, or what? Normal – one word instead of four.

Move the needle forward. For starters, I hate needles. ALL needles! The word you’re looking for is impact. If it doesn’t create impact, then figure out something else that will.

All hands on deck. “Advance” is one. “Let’s get after it” is another. Want a better metaphor? “Half a league, half a league, Half a league onward, All in the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. Forward, the Light Brigade!”

Take this offline. Let’s discuss it later. No? It’s not appropriate to discuss here, now. Still not dialing it in? Listen pansy-ass, you’re not special and since you think you are, we’re going to “release you to the competition.” It would have been better to remove you in private, but since you insisted the Head Apprentice says, “you’re fired,” for example. Other BS includes:

Drill down. Elephant in the room. The proper cadence. It has elasticity. Marry the ketchup. Armchairing. Open the kimono. Leverage. Move the goalposts. Gain Traction.

The emotional intelligence of some people is a significant need area in this age of social awareness. Sadly, too many have sold their souls to be politically correct in the age of Management Weaselspeak. What happened to manners, etiquette, good behaviors, generosity, gratitude and authenticity? There are winners and losers, good and evil and only the winner gets a trophy.

No group hugs, no kumbaya, no pumpkin spice latte!

…before you get your feathers twisted due to the delicate and sensitive world you subscribe to, understand the above context is very simple, “Say what you mean and mean what you say.” Don’t melt at the first anxious moment. Grab an escalatte from your bun-topped-Jeremy Scott-wearing barista and communicate simply – it’s powerful…

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